Jason Pike

"The wait time here for a scheduled appointment is outrageous. What should be an hour-long exercise turns into an entire afternoon affair."

"Welcome to the set of my new movie, "Poorly Decorated Crack House"."

"Ladies night every Tuesday. Sunday brunch at 10th is to die. $4 Bloody Marys. There's a crazy old woman who wanders around muttering. I don't think she works here."

"For a place named as such, there is a suspicious and alarming absence of honey. Lots of children, though, which are just as delicious."

"The pussy here is disgruntled and sassy. Bring protection."

"Jen and George are straight up triflin butt lovin heterosexual perverts. Try the mojito!"